Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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