we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
