plz talk dirty to me
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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