I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
