Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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