Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
