I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
