We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
