i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
His nipple licking is glorious
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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