singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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