She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
