Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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