Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
