Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
