It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
