he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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