Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
