Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
