You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
