Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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