Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
