Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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