32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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