How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
