And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
