I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I cut my penus on the lid.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
