I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
