I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
