I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
