I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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