were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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