I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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