Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
