I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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