So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
