I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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