im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
