Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
tell me about the fingering
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
