Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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