I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
