my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
