When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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