Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
