but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
