and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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