so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
