i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
