No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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