and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
