We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
