that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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