its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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