Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
