so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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