WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
