She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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