how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
