Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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